Angler Seeks Eunuch For Lasting Relationship

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Eunuch

By Louis Cahill

Personal Ad:

Angler seeks eunuch for long-term fishing partner. Applicants should have absolutely no political opinions, be financially self-sufficient and possess adequate rowing skills. Physical appearance unimportant. Alcoholics welcome.

At the take-out, Jason and I are cleaning out the boat and stowing gear. We pause from filling a plastic bag with beer cans and turn our attention to our buddy who is pacing the parking lot, head down, cell phone tight to his ear. He turns circles and kicks rocks off into the brush. It’s a dance I’ve seen many times before.

We are a couple hours late getting off the river. Not without good cause. It might be an overstatement to say we had saved a guy’s life but he would have been in bad shape if we hadn’t showed up. He’d taken his kayak under a sweeper in heavy water. He was out of the boat and perched on the trunk of the big tree, bloody and in shock. His boat was tangled in the branches under the raging water.

We managed to get the fellow to safety and retrieve his boat. I insisted he ride out with us but he wouldn’t. We stayed with him until he recovered and had his wits about him. Once it seemed safe for him to boat again we all headed down river well behind schedule. You can’t turn your back on a boater in trouble. If it isn’t a law, it damned well should be.

The gravity of this situation didn’t mean jack to my buddy’s wife, who was presently chewing his ear off through his cell phone. All she heard was, “I’m going to be late.” I’ll never understand some people. I’ve told fishing buddies, “Don’t promise her anything past coming home alive…at some point.” It still seems there is always an expectation and it’s frequently not met.

Our buddy continues to pace, gesturing and pinching the bridge of his nose with his free hand. Jason turns to me and shakes his head.

“Women are the hardest part of fly fishing,” he says to me in a weary tone.

I have burned through more than my share of fishing partners. Even the ones who have dedicated their lives to fly fishing eventually peel away like heat shields from a space shuttle. Often just as spectacularly. Almost every time there is a spouse involved. Why is it so hard to fly fish and stay married?

My wife is a saint. No, seriously. The shit she puts up with on any given day would make most women’s heads explode. I’ve never know another person like her and if you enjoy Gink and Gasoline, you should thank her. I would never have accomplished anything without her support. But that almost seems to be a singularity.

So I guess I need a eunuch to fish with. Someone absolutely un-weddable under any circumstances. 

It would be very easy for this to turn into a short sighted, sexist rant and I’m determined for that not to happen. I feel pretty sure there are plenty of women anglers out there who have the same problems out of men. I know a couple. And I know we have a lot of women readers, and I’m counting on you to speak up in the comments.

Let’s have a discussion.

Anyone who has tips on successfully negotiating fishing time with your spouse, please share them. Women especially! You know we men are developmentally challenged, please help us understand the minds of our women. Let’s see if it’s possible to achieve both marital and angling bliss.

Louis Cahill
Gink & Gasoline
www.ginkandgasoline.com
hookups@ginkandgasoline.com
 
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21 thoughts on “Angler Seeks Eunuch For Lasting Relationship

  1. My wife and I have been fly fishing together for 35 years. We have had separate boats, for fishing lakes, all that time. Still do. We might fish next to each or be five miles apart, but each is independent while on the water. We can fish together if need be, as we wore out three drift boats fishing for steelhead during those years. Works for us.

  2. “My wife is a saint. No, seriously. The shit she puts up with on any given day would make most women’s heads explode”

    I am another lucky bastard with an incredibly understanding wife, especially when it comes to my fishing. She thankfully recognizes the mental health benefits of my being on the water.

    That being said I suspect most partners, when faced with YET ANOTHER way-too-late-getting-home-from-fishing scenario don’t really care if the reason we are late THIS time is because we saved our buddies life( or had our life saved), because the previous 47 times we didn’t get home until whenever were due to “just one more cast” syndrome.

  3. The secret is to find a woman who’s father fishes. She’ll have seen it and heard it all before, so being late because the bite is on will seem like a natural occurrence. Besides, if the biggest thing she has to worry about is how late you are fishing with a couple of dudes, that’s actually not that much to complain about. Just make sure you fix or upgrade something around the house every so often. It implies progress.

    • This is the secret to my success in this department. My father in law fished every day, before and after work. He was a saint for staying with his wife, but the cost was lots of time on the water. My wife grew up with this, and now just accepts that time on the water is normal for a man, especially one that fishes and she wants to stay with. I couldn’t be a luckier man.

  4. I’m pretty sure this article could be written about any hobby. The key is expectations management…especially in the dating stage, pre-marriage. You have to make sure your would-be spouse understands what you do with your free time. If you want to fish every weekend when you’re married, avoid the temptation to do things with your would-be spouse on weekends while you’re dating. Once you’ve set expectations it’s hard to get that lost territory back!

  5. Having a spouse with a hobby they are passionate about helps as well. In my wife’s case it is dance. She spends time teaching classes, rehearsing shows, and practicing on her own. She spends money on workshops, costumes, etc.
    When they know how much you love something, because they feel that same love for something else, it’s easy to understand when time slips away, something comes up, or there’s just a really good buy you can’t pass up.

  6. I find that if I’m able to build into the relationship by giving her time that she needs away from the kids to do her thing and to spend the time with her that she needs so that she feels connected, the relationship is healthy and I get to fish more. Sounds kind of selfish but it’s a win-win.

  7. I know I’m not helping the cause here but I seem to have at least temporarily found a simpler solution to this. About a year and a half ago, my wife divorced me. Since then, my fishing life has never been better! Of course that’s not counting before I got married and had a kid.

  8. My fishing partner and I would always say that a day we came home safe and in one piece from fishing was a great day, regardless of how the “catching” was. We fly fished the California Delta and there are enough idiots out there on jet skis, wave runners, boats to turn your hair gray. Safety is and always will be priority number 1.

  9. Face it, the trip always takes longer than expected unless weather or mishap occurs. Even if you come home early, you never get “time credit” toward the next trip. Honesty and being up front is the only solution, and you should expect to take your lumps if you give an estimate and don’t make it.

    I am not sure the purpose of this piece, as there is literally nothing you can do, as your choice was made way back when you chose your spouse. You are either fortunate or not.

  10. Our family and friends often question my wife about my where abouts and delinquent return home. So shrugs and says: “When he gets hungry or runs out of beer he’ll come home.”

    I love my wife.

  11. Men do it too…you’d think time on the river is code for nasty druggin’-drunkin’ ho-bag “hooker” time! The way I see it, if someone or someone’s partner messes with my peace on the river, they will deal w/it the next day too…& the next. If they don’t want to go, that doesn’t mean I’m not going. If a friend invites me, it’s not a personal attack on time I’m supposed to spend with you. (I don’t break plans w/you, so why should I be expected to w/others if you say so?) Btw, fishing means I’ll talk to you tomorrow. These are unhappy people who don’t know they do it to themselves. They don’t want anyone else to be happy either. The phone calls negotiating guilt trips ruin it for everyone. Live & let live. If you don’t trust someone, it’s not because they’re fishing. Oops…went off a little, as I’m packing for a fishing trip! 🙂

  12. fortunate my wife has been with me for over a decade. She has heard them all~>
    from getting lost in the woods, flat tire, blown head gasket, stuck in 8″ of muck, down tree’s blocked our way out, car spotter locked keys in my truck, Shuttle moved my rig to wrong take-out, to the inevitable, You NEVER leave the river with fish rising…
    Of course she knows I am not out fooling around and getting in to trouble on purpose.
    Tight Lines!
    Koz

  13. A friend was working on his degree in some kind of fish biology many years ago and worked for a summer at a fish hatchery here in CA. Turns out the hatchery manager had a daughter, who my friend ended up marrying. They have been fishing together from AK to FL ever since.

  14. I fish more than my spouse. When I head out with friends, I don’t give a definite, “I’ll be home by this time” number. Nothing ruins a good day on the water like setting a stringent time to get off before you even get in. I give a “Worry if …” number. As in “Worry if I’m not home by 10”. I may show up at 6 if the fishing is crappy, or later if I’m on fish. If I’m going to be later I’ll call. If I can’t call, we listen to each other when I get to the take out or where’s there’s cell service or a phone. We both say our piece and let it go. He’s usually fishing with me though, so it’s a moot point. . When you’re 87 and dreamin’ about your fishing days will you regret be that you didn’t get home for supper earlier 10 or 47 or so times? No. You’ll probably still be kicking yourself in the butt for not having any ants or peacock callibaetis on the day that’s all they were taking on the lake. Lighten up people. Enjoy your passion!

  15. I’ve fished all my life but not as regularly as after my 2 daughters took off for college. At that point, 1-4 days a week of fishing added to 1-2 nights for softball started to take its “toll” on free time for activities together and for expectations in general “post kids”. Surprisingly, when I signed on to be President of my fly fishing club for the first time, it made a big impact – it made my wife realize that I was truly serious about fly fishing. But still more adjustment was needed. It came down to the “talk” when I’d figured out where FF stood in my life, and I laid it out as simply as I could – fly fishing is really important to me – I’ll do anything to make sure that I can keep fly fishing full steam ahead no matter what. What do I need to do? The answer was a little here, and a little there. Frankly, as we all know, any good relationship is all about respect, give and take, and good communication. We’re (I’m?) still learning but we just celebrated out 40th anniversary so we are mostly getting it right – ha ha…

  16. My spouse is an avid fisherman( boat, spinner). His secret was to give me a fly rod, and now I am hooked. So we fish together, he brings his spinning lures, and I bring my flies! I admit there is a little competition involved also.

  17. They are real, I am one! My husband doesn’t go fishing without me. We fly fished for 3 weeks on our honeymoon. He tells people “my wife loves to fish, I get to go twice as much now on half the budget, I have to share what flies I buy with her.”

  18. My wife is often my fishing partner but other times when I’ve planned a trip with a friend, her comments are always positive from have a great time to you deserve a good fishing trip. She always asks what kind of food I would like to take, etc. I am blessed beyond words to describe the amazing lady that selected me to be her husband all those many years ago.

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