A G&G Exclusive Interview With Hank Patterson

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By Carter Lyles

This is an exclusive interview with the top fly fishing guide in all of the land, Patterson. Hank Patterson. Hank’s legendary status is unmatched, and he has often been referred to as the “Tim Tebow” and the “Chuck Norris” of fly-fishing. Known for dropping a 700lb grizzly bear with his signature move, “The Chode Paralyzer,” as well as having consistent multi-hookups on his famous hopper hopper dropper hopper dropper dropper hopper dropper rig, native cutty rainbrowns have come to fear his presence. Oh, by the way, he is also the rightful owner to “A River Runs Through It” on Blu-ray, so you could say he knows a thing or two about fly-fishing!

Carter: Hank, if you could sing one song on American Idol, what would it be and why?

Hank: I have absolutely no idea what American Idol is. That said, on a
 recent road trip to Picabo, Idaho, I found myself humming Elton John’s
 “Daniel.” Having no idea what the actual words are, I made up my
 own… If you know the tune, feel free to sing along…

 Hank Patterson’s traveling tonight on a boat,

 He just tied a caddis on and he’s watching it flo-o-o-oat…

 Oh and… I can see Hank, he casts like a God…

 Looks like he hooked a RainBrown!

 A fifteen-pound hog on a five-weight rod….

Carter: What would you do during a Zombie Apocalypse? Grab a cub?

Hank: First thing I’d do is get a good, tight fitting helmet with a chin
 strap that locks. Zombie’s love brains. Second thing I’d do is start
 hanging around with people who are a lot clumsier and slower than I
 am. If a pack of Zombies comes around, you don’t have to be the
 fastest guy in the group, you just can’t be the slowest. Third thing
 I’d do is go pillage a few fly shops, grab some sweet gear, a lifetime
 of flies and head for the mountains.

Carter: If G & G were a high school kid, what kind of person would they be?

Hank: Every school’s got that one kid who never takes off his coat. Whether
 it’s 105 or 10 degrees outside, the kid has that filthy coat on. In
 class, out of class – he’s wearing that coat. Jeans or shorts – he’s
 in the coat. Math class or gym class, that weird kid has that damn
 coat on. He washes the coat about as much as he washes his greasy
 hair and he rarely looks away from the ground in front of him. Real
 awkward kid who likely spends a large share of his time eating
 smashed Smarties candies and whittling his own 16 sided dice. Anyway…
you fellas sorta remind me of that kid.

Carter: If you were not the world-renowned expert fly fishing guide you are
 now, what else would you be?

Hank: Honestly, I could likely be any damn thing I set my mind to. I’m a
 driven man who loves a challenge. Always have been. When I was 8
 years old, my Mom bought me a Rubix cube. I wrestled with that thing
 hour after hour, day after day, month after month until I finally
 smashed the hell out of it with a hammer and poured whiskey on it and
 burned it on the garage floor. The true solution to that puzzle was
 to overcome the desire to solve it. Anyway, I’d probably be a life
 coach or a boxer.

Carter: Why does Reese never talk?

Hank: Let me begin by stating this fact… In order to proclaim the moniker
 “World’s Greatest Fly Fishing Guide”, one must have the “World’s
 Greatest Client.” I do. There’s none better than Reese and that is
 an indisputable fact. One of the things (beyond his generous tipping)
 that makes Reese such a great client is his desire to listen and learn
 as opposed to blather on like a fool. As the guide I should do the
 blathering and frankly, I think I do a great job of that. Before
 Reese, I tried out a few other clients but they would never shut up -
 “Did you bring me beer?”, “Are you going to tie on my fly?”, “Why do I
 have to row the boat?”, “You didn’t bring me a lunch?” – blah, blah,
 blah… I’m not a river butler or a boat rower, I’m a guide.

Carter: Have you ever thought about becoming a professional saltwater fly
 fishing guide? Why or why not?

Hank: I think about it every day. I especially think about it when I’m
 guiding in an Idaho blizzard in January. I’m thinking about it right
 now. This morning I was holding my frozen beer over an open flame
 next to the river thinking about how awesome it would be to be lying
 on a beach, covered from head to toe in cocoa butter, hollering, “Snap
It” to a group of tourists all hell bent to hook a permit. Anyway, if
 any sponsors or anyone with a few bucks is reading this and wants to
 invite me to come guide and shoot videos in Belize, please pick up the
 phone. I have no doubt I could do for the ocean, what I’ve done for
 the rivers.

Check out the video for more Hank Patterson!

And don’t miss Hank’s new movie, “Hank Patterson’s Reel Montana Adventure!”

Carter Lyles
Gink & Gasoline
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7 thoughts on “A G&G Exclusive Interview With Hank Patterson

  1. I’m sorry , I’m sure Hank isn’t a trained comic , or improve guy , but his shtick comes off like a bit of a hack .But perhaps I’m the minority.

    • What is the point of commenting something like this. If you don’t think he’s funny then. Don’t watch his videos or read an interview with him. Why leave a negative comment just to bring someone down. Let me guess, he insulted your bobber didn’t he…?

  2. Frankly, if you don’t see the humor in this guy poking fun at how ridiculous fly fishermen can be — you’re probably the target of the actual jokes.

    If you “don’t get” Hank, The Big Lebowski, or the Onion there’s not much I can do with you.

    • Love Cohen bros. Movies , the onion and that kind of humor , I see the jokes , they just aren’t very good . Comedy is extremely hard , that’s why I bet you can only name 5 really funny movies in the last 10 years . Comedy is really really hard , maybe that’s the best compliment I can give .

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